When regrets may not be regrets
"It's a slow process, for healing is just that - a process. We have so many issues to work through and come to a peace with: the why's, that horrendous guilt thats seems to have a choke hold on so many of us at first, and the many, many unanswered questions. There seems to be a time that it is all replayed over and over again, like we can somehow make the ending different by reliving it all, by reexamining every little detail. We have a rewind button in our minds, but not in real life, so we contine to come to the same questions with no one to give answers. But in doing so, althought we don't know it at the time, we also slowly come to a peace with it by going through this process. For some, the peace comes in knowing that we will just never know and we have to accept that. For others, pieces will fit together and bring you answers that will suffice." - Louise Wirick, Finding Your Way After The Suicide Of Someone You Love
Some of us secondary school pals met on friday. In fact everyone made the effort to turn up. There was good news as there was the bad. I guess I'm just thankful that we have cultivated and maintained a special bond that defies work schedules and tiredness and everyone cared enough to turn up.
One of the girls told me that regrets cannot be considered regrets if there is a high possibility that you would have done the same thing (without knowledge of the ensuing consequences or events) if you could go back in time. Which means that some of our regrets only occurred after we learn of new information or that the consequences were something we didn't expect or want and these regrets are a result of hindsight. At the point of time, we just didn't know or we just couldn't help it even if we wanted otherwise. Of course, this isn't going to stop me from regretting but it sort of puts perspective on the whole if-I-can-turn-back-time idea.
And of course, all the unanswered questions still remains, mind-boggling enough for me to wonder for the rest of my life.
For one of the rarer periods of my life, I really detest the idea of being idle. Everyday has to be productive in its own way and I'm trying to keep myself preoccupied. Maybe it is the unconscious way of dealing with the barrage of questions and the fear of sinking into that abyss again. Now that I'm out of it, I don't think I want to be anywhere near that place again because it felt like hell and so, I'm trying.
Some of us secondary school pals met on friday. In fact everyone made the effort to turn up. There was good news as there was the bad. I guess I'm just thankful that we have cultivated and maintained a special bond that defies work schedules and tiredness and everyone cared enough to turn up.
One of the girls told me that regrets cannot be considered regrets if there is a high possibility that you would have done the same thing (without knowledge of the ensuing consequences or events) if you could go back in time. Which means that some of our regrets only occurred after we learn of new information or that the consequences were something we didn't expect or want and these regrets are a result of hindsight. At the point of time, we just didn't know or we just couldn't help it even if we wanted otherwise. Of course, this isn't going to stop me from regretting but it sort of puts perspective on the whole if-I-can-turn-back-time idea.
And of course, all the unanswered questions still remains, mind-boggling enough for me to wonder for the rest of my life.
For one of the rarer periods of my life, I really detest the idea of being idle. Everyday has to be productive in its own way and I'm trying to keep myself preoccupied. Maybe it is the unconscious way of dealing with the barrage of questions and the fear of sinking into that abyss again. Now that I'm out of it, I don't think I want to be anywhere near that place again because it felt like hell and so, I'm trying.
