divine discontent

Transitions

2008-08-25T21:53:00.002+08:00

Its only been two weeks plus but it seems like quite a substantial period of time has passed. A busy two weeks, weekends burnt and lots of OT. Can't imagine how its going to be like when I officially start work next month. I actually enjoy working on weekends because its quieter and I don't like going out anyway but working everyday is a killer and I'm truly amazed at how my boss does it.

I think God has been pretty good to me. Constantly having people around me who have been wonderful in their support. Advice from MJ's bf with regards to further studies (and finally getting to meet Cleo). This job offer coming along in the midst of an important decision making process. I miss going for classes but my job now is quite gratifying too. I guess its really important to like what you are doing and then you won't really feel like you are working. The morning rush. Faces which are increasingly familiar. Time passing in a flash. Numbers don't seem that hostile as compared to words. Learning to multi-task. A routine is slowly fixed. You stop thinking too much and you find yourself having lesser or no time for other things.

Commitment to work aside, I really hope to have enough time to meet my favourite people. Say, it was great meeting the EAI folks after work last saturday. Wanwan, linlin and small red. I realized how much I missed them. Those crazy and fun times we had! Has it been so long since we met since the unforgettable X'mas party? I always have such a memorable (and hilarious) time with them and last weekend was no different. Two firsts for me. We had dinner at Modestos Vivocity and it was all of our first experience at the Italian restaurant. Modestos, famous for their 20 inch pizzas but we decided to skip that. We shared two of their pizzas and one of their pastas and it came up to a reasonable price of $15plus each (thanks to a 10% discount for citibank cards). Dessert was Ben & Jerry's ice-cream and I fulfilled my vanilla craving after just 2 days (1st day the softie machine @ mac's broke down! and 2nd day I watched helplessly as Japanese cold stone ice-cream was being featured during the night news segment).

Guess what we did next? Wan had suggested walking the Southern Ridges in the afternoon and I was kind of disappointed because I've been wanting to try out the route but I had to work. It rained in the afternoon and fate granted me another opportunity to have such fantastic company for my maiden walk.

It was 10plus when we reached the Horticulture Park which is a 5mins bus ride from Harbourfront. Toured around the placid and classy and frogs/toads ridden park, witnessed some baby leaves danced to music and felt damp cotton from the cotton tree. The dazzling Alexander Arch with its changing LED lights made for some good Kodak moments. We decided to walk to Henderson Waves, which is approximately 2.3km away via the Forest Walk and Hilltop Walk. Though it was a little bit creepy at night, the Jurassic Park-like steel walkways were well-lit and we were offered a bird's eye view of the Telok Blangah Hill's forest and its surroundings as we transversed across the canopy of trees. The "challenging" part for me came when we had to navigate the sudden steep incline of the Hilltop Walk that led us to Henderson Waves. Thank goodness, it flattened out and we reached the ribbed-caged like Henderson Waves in no time. More fantastic and panoramic views along Faber Walk on top of Mt Faber and you really have a sense of the infestation of towering HDB blocks that crowd our island. The exciting part of our night walk came when we had to descend Mt Faber to reach Harbourfront via the Marang Trail. Unlike the other trails whereby we had ample lighting, Marang was downhill and through the dark forest! It was close to 12am and I suddenly remembered that the 7th month was not over yet (not that I'm supertitious but you know, its still a chilling thought). We decided getting home was more important than anything and went ahead with our handphones as our guiding lights and the funny part was, we decided to name ourselves fruits (you can ask me about this heh).

So without plan, I made it through the Southern Ridges (minus Canopy Walk) - some 5km of night walking - and I really wouldn't mind doing it again. Day or night. Hopefully, we'll have another get-together before wan flies off for her studies in Beijing.

I'll be attending a two-day conference at the Swissotel from tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it as well. To the people whom I've not seen in awhile, you've been thought of!

Pretty Projections by The Electric Canvas

2008-07-31T23:13:00.004+08:00

Night @ The Musuem. All photos property of Divine Discontent.

Flight of The Night Owls

2008-07-30T23:00:00.006+08:00

Last friday, 25th July, Jan and I attended this event rather aptly named "Flight of The Night Owl" which was part of the Night Festival. First got wind of it from a postcard and I even thought of assembling some team to join the night race (me and my sudden outbursts of spontaneity) but thank god it didn't materialize in the end. I saw the various teams racing here and there between the museums that night and it dawned upon me that I just wanted to have a placid, relaxing night in the company of someone who has the same appreciation for museums etc. and the other reason being, I'm just lacking in that sort of exuberance.

So how did it go? All the museums were opened for free admission to the public from 6pm to 2am that night. My initial idea was to visit all of them but we ended up going to 3. In the end, I went to explore the Singapore Philatelic Museum on my own when waiting for Jan to end class. I've never been there before and I thought, I just had to. Its quite a small place where you get to learn about the history and meaning behind stamps and well, if you are an avid stamp collector, you'll get to see some nifty collection of stamps from all over the world! There is a section of the exhibition room whereby you can view stamp collections country by country and its interesting to see the ideas each nationality comes up with. Come to think of it, I think there was a period of time during my childhood when I did collect stamps but the sticker phase outlasted the former. I didn't particularly enjoy this visit because there were the fast and furious teams looking for clues here and there and it was distracting. Love the pretty ceiling decorations though and got some lovely Vietnamese bookmarks for souvenirs. You'll thought I should get stamps but nah..nothing caught my fancy.

The Peranakan Museum, which was a stone throw away, was bustling with people as well. There was an English tour going on. Well, you could actually sign up for the hourly tours conducted in the various museums but we decided to go free and easy. The galleries and exhibitions, which span three storeys of the former Tao Nao School, took us through the history of Peranakan people and their way of life. The collection gave us glimpses of their origins, marriage practices, textiles, cuisine and dining ware, religion etc. The interesting part for me was getting acquainted with their culture (the lavish wedding ceremony!) and glimpsing the dedication of their tradition embodied in their intricately designed porcelains, jewellery and furniture. Besides the permanent exhibitions, there is another highlight going on called Junk to Jewels: The things that Peranakans value. We didn't really browse as meticulously for this section but basically its just some of the artefacts that tell a story of being a Peranakan.

Our next stop was The National Museum of Singapore where we were greeted by a night bazaar hawking lovingly made beaded toys to snacks served by the Rendevous Hotel. Just across the road, some electro-rock fusion music reveberated from the stage set up at the SMU compound for The Beatnik Picnic by Zouk. We agreed bossa nova or acid chill out would have been a better choice. Met my primary school friend while browsing the stalls at the bazaar and I thought it was pretty incredible that she recognized me. Its been more than a decade since we last saw each other? But once she came up to me...I sort of knew who she might be. Jan was awe-strucked by the white light projection that was part of a light installation exhibit by The Electric Canvas, a lighting specialist company from Sydney. They did a marvellous, unprecedented job I would say, transforming our dear Nat Mus into a willing canvas for a kaleidoscopic array of visual spectacular. Thanks to the inspiring perseverance of Jan, we managed to get all the different facades on camera!

Inside the museum, another spectacular (of some sorts) greeted us. Well, this Greek inspired sculpture (I later learnt its Surrounding David by Titarubi), in a striking hue of pink and purple bits, was standing tall and huge in all his naked glory. Even non-shutterbugs could not resist as people whipped out their digital, mobile phones and some tried to squeeze into the picture as well. Amidst the throngs of people. I must really emphasized the word throngs. It is the first time I actually seen the museum, any museum, this crowded and it was like 11pm. It was actually quite a refreshing sight. Families big and small. Non-sleepy kids. Couples. The elderly. After work professionals. Girly cliques. Avid photographers. Some even brought their pet dogs and for a moment, I really thought they allowed dogs free admission too. I honestly didn't think this event would be such a hit but it was.

Anyway, back to the interior exhibits which I have to say was pretty disappointing for me. Granted that this is not Tate or Lourve...I did expect something more other than the usual suspects. Something electic and more than what people would expect. There are the 5 main galleries showing Singapore's history, film, food, photography and fashion. A photography exhibition going on at the back but too many people to really gawk and let the images sink in. We decided to give this visiting exhibition about electronic or was it digital arts a miss so I dont know if we missed out. Back outside, it was the people that once again captivated me. The idea that art or heritage or culture has that ability to bring people together and in flocks they came. We had missed the photo opportunity for the white canvas projection so we decided to just sit and wait and take in the atmosphere.

Once again, it was about the people. Earlier on, as I tried to manoeuver a tricky steep little incline on a muddy patch, I was trying to maintain my balance and not fall backwards. It was just that moment. You lose your balance and you die...of embarrassment. And thank god some good Samaritan...seeing me teetering in the mud decided to offer me his hand and of course, I grabbed it. In my fluster, I forgot if I actually thank him properly but I was really grateful. Like I was going woah woah woah in my head and he actually could sense it or see it and saved me from a potentially disgraceful fall.

Later, while I was happily chomping on a fish burger and Jan nibbling on a chicken wing, a caucasian walked by...caught my eye and smiled with a twinkle in his eye. Subsequently, he actually came up to offer his help while we were trying to take a shot of ourselves rather unsuccessfully. Jim, as he introduced himself, is a Maths teacher and a visitor from Hawaii. You know the thing that never fails to amaze me about Westerners is how friendly and warm they can be, even if they are not in their own country. We chatted awhile and he told us we should visit the Garden Festival happening at Suntec. "You girls should go" he encouraged and it was just super ironic that he was telling it to us when it should be the other way round. He left with a smile and a "I'll see you again" firm handshake.

It just made me wonder, will our paths ever cross again? Is this world really that small and fate such a big part to play? Why did we meet Jim from Hawaii and not Javier from Peru? Because for that moment, I got acquainted with a total stranger who surprised us with his friendliness and maybe it was all that made the difference. As the majestic neo-classical building stood with its usual stoic white walls bathed in magical multi-faceted colours, I realized it was a different beautiful picture, of heritage standing majestic and proud from the attention of the adoring crowds.

The Fig Tree

2008-07-26T03:32:00.005+08:00

Photo by Camilla McGuinn

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

When regrets may not be regrets

2008-07-21T21:59:00.002+08:00

"It's a slow process, for healing is just that - a process. We have so many issues to work through and come to a peace with: the why's, that horrendous guilt thats seems to have a choke hold on so many of us at first, and the many, many unanswered questions. There seems to be a time that it is all replayed over and over again, like we can somehow make the ending different by reliving it all, by reexamining every little detail. We have a rewind button in our minds, but not in real life, so we contine to come to the same questions with no one to give answers. But in doing so, althought we don't know it at the time, we also slowly come to a peace with it by going through this process. For some, the peace comes in knowing that we will just never know and we have to accept that. For others, pieces will fit together and bring you answers that will suffice." - Louise Wirick, Finding Your Way After The Suicide Of Someone You Love

Some of us secondary school pals met on friday. In fact everyone made the effort to turn up. There was good news as there was the bad. I guess I'm just thankful that we have cultivated and maintained a special bond that defies work schedules and tiredness and everyone cared enough to turn up.

One of the girls told me that regrets cannot be considered regrets if there is a high possibility that you would have done the same thing (without knowledge of the ensuing consequences or events) if you could go back in time. Which means that some of our regrets only occurred after we learn of new information or that the consequences were something we didn't expect or want and these regrets are a result of hindsight. At the point of time, we just didn't know or we just couldn't help it even if we wanted otherwise. Of course, this isn't going to stop me from regretting but it sort of puts perspective on the whole if-I-can-turn-back-time idea.

And of course, all the unanswered questions still remains, mind-boggling enough for me to wonder for the rest of my life.

For one of the rarer periods of my life, I really detest the idea of being idle. Everyday has to be productive in its own way and I'm trying to keep myself preoccupied. Maybe it is the unconscious way of dealing with the barrage of questions and the fear of sinking into that abyss again. Now that I'm out of it, I don't think I want to be anywhere near that place again because it felt like hell and so, I'm trying.

In Loving Memory

2008-07-17T22:38:00.007+08:00

Has it been exactly one week from 10th of July?
That horrible horrible day.
Words cannot fully express what I'm feeling now
Its still so very surreal
At times I feel my brain is frozen
But I'll try to get it down.

I remember first meeting you in choir,
we were only in primary 3.
despite your tender age
you played the piano with flair
and the teacher made you our official pianist
Yet you remain accomodating and humble
one of the musicals we worked together was Oliver!
and then there were the lovely sing-alongs from the Sound of Music

We were classmates in primary 5 and 6
Streaming brought us together, along with the best from our level
Looking back, I am so honoured to be part of that class because
everyone was smart, talented and funny
we were supposed to be outstanding in chinese
and we had such wonderful, kind teachers
remember the feeling we had after PSLE?
"like birds flying out of the cage"
we had to decide which school we wanted to go
and I didn't know that we opted for the same
teacher made us write a tribute to one good friend
I wrote mine to S because she was my closest friend
I recieved one from S, a few others and one from you
and it mattered because I considered you as a good friend too

I think fate, if there's anything such as it, brought us together.

Secondary 1 came and a few of us went to St Nicks
my decision to change class resulted in us being in the same class
and it was to lead to four years of being classmates
four years that made a difference to my life
four years of joy, hurt, laughter and tears
four years of gritty childishness, growing up pains and glowing aspirations

I don't think anything can beat what we went through

Joining the same eca for the same crazy reasons
burning the midnight oil on fridays just to see our reflections on our boots
toiling in the sun every saturday, getting screamed at, marching til our toes hurt and blisters sprout, running around like mad people, facing the pressure and politics, breaking down in the classroom under the watchful gaze of everyone, recieving the sort of satisfaction of hard work being paid off and experience learnt, finally getting the A we so deserved

Classrooms were another thing,
sometimes we sat together, sometimes we did not
all those times we supported each other
through lessons, homework and exams
calling each other in the midst of the night to give encouragement
in my heart always knowing that you were such an excellent student with equally stellar grades
I think I must have spent most of my recess time with you
contemplating and discussing which stall to eat from even before the bell rang
we practically went home together most of the times too
and I think these are one of the most unforgettable memories I have of us
talking when we walk out of school to the bus-stop
talking when we wait for the bus
talking when we take the same bus - 135..how can I forget?
that malfunctioning red seat that made us bounce like babies
and laugh so uncontrollably til we had tears in our eyes

Come to think of it J,
I think we had some of the funniest times together
I know you would agree
we may not be jokers in nature but put us together
something just goes off, I think its called chemistry
we can laugh at the silliest things
yet talk about anything in the world
we love exchanging knowledge
we helped each other in our work
I wonder if you knew that you made me a more enlightened person?
The most important thing was that I felt comfortable with you

We did alot of things together, especially sports
table-tennis, badminton, netball, running, canoeing
we went to camps together
faced strange, awkward and nervous situations
but the thing was, with you around I wasn't scared

Things changed after Sec 4,
most of it external circumstances and the paths we chose
there was JC, there was university and then there was work
though we didn't spend as much time as we did in previously
there were still the phone conversations. the meetups and the snail mails
I guess one thing that really stood in our way was the kind of understanding lacking,
in knowing what is exactly going in each of our lives
You were willing to tell me most things, but not everything
I didn't tell you everything
we had our reasons, to think of it,
it was probably our nature
and the fact that we thought our individual burdens
were too heavy for each other to bear
I can think about our misses
but whats important is that
even through the wear and tear of the years
those beautiful memories and dreadful experiences
we still considered each other to be an important part of our lives

This fact will never change,
not before, not now and not in the future
all these memories and recollections of you (many more than recorded here)
some still vivid and most always kept in the safebox in my head
despite the years. despite the pain. despite the memory loss.
I write this because I'm proud to have you as a friend
and this is something I don't have for just anyone
I wonder if you truly knew the extent of that?

Not satisfied with just a grade 8 piano, you took up the violin
using the money you earned from part-time jobs
You were always the hard worker,
you knew what you had to do and you gave your best
whether it was studies or work or your family
You had the ability to make people laugh
and the pity is how many people actually got to know that?
Your sincerity is geunine and I know deep down,
You are a kind person, who didn't deserve all those odds
I remember the times we went to the old folks home
trying to unravel the mystery of that unfortunate old lady
I think we had lots of adventures together

You tried to be a filial daughter, a good friend
You are a good person.

I always wished the best for you,
hoping one day things will turn around
I wished you could have that good life we talked about
I really thought it would happen.
I really really was looking forward to it.
But now you are gone,
leaving me to pick up the missing pieces.
I wish there was something that I could have done to make a difference
the hundreds and hundreds of questions pricking and prodding
waiting for the answers that will never be answered
The immediate shock, the lingering heartache and the perpetual void
The long road ahead I still have to traverse - without you.

You wrote me a letter on my birthday, you said I was your best friend
thank you for treating me as your friend
For accepting my flaws and for overlooking my shortcomings as a friend
Thank you for opening your heart
for trusting in me enough to confide in me
As I've told you in our last conversation,
I was happy to be there as a friend
you allowed me to be one.

There are so many things I want to say
its exhausive as of now
but now, I just wish
that the peace you so patiently, fervently, desperately seeked
has been acquainted with you
and my dear friend, I consider you to be someone really special
this fact will never change,
not before, not now and not in the future.

J, you will never ever be forgotten
rest in peace...

My Secret

2008-07-09T23:36:00.003+08:00

when i told you
my secret
my deep, dark secret
which had been buried
in the sands of time
yet still eating away at me

when i gave that secret a voice
you listened
and when i thought it could never be
taken, away, the shame, the hurt, the guilt
you became my
divine intervention
without you,
i would not be here today

Poem manufactured by the Proletariat Poetry Factory

Its hard to say goodbye

2008-07-08T23:16:00.003+08:00

The Proletariat Poets churning out creativity.

Post-its flurry, spontaneous poetry and a fond farewell.

Its been a busy week. Managed to finish all the themed readings, a few days of intensive writing and the report, done. One thing I really love about research is the sort of intimacy you get with a contemporary issue...especially one that you might be concerned about or it could be something else you never quite realize the magnitude of. Some things in life just slip away quietly without you noticing. Then there are those that require alot of attention and action, but somehow the world just doesn't care. And of course, I'm talking about climate change.

Saturday (5/7), after school JN and I went down for an interesting event at the substation. This group called the Proletariat Poetry Factory, made up of nine people who obviously love poetry, was giving a "performance" whereby members of the public could order a poem and then pay any amount for it. All we needed to do was to submit the names of the person(s) we were dedicating the poem to and any word that is associated with the person and the poets would start churning out the poems furiously on their typewriters. I mean, how cool is that? There was also a DJ setup whereby a group of musicians called The Board of Supreme Controllers was feeding the poets with some background music. The room was pretty claustrophobic with the nine poets clad in bright red jumpsuits, armed with vintage noisy typewriters and big headphones spinning their craft at one side and the motley mix of musician types, cameramen and the walk-in public filling up the rest of the space.

I thought of a few people who could appreciate such stuff but didn't manage to get all their names down. JN and I got a poem for ourselves each and while waiting to collect them, went to check out the adjacent Peranakan Musuem. Before we left, I exchanged a few words with co-founder Miss Rachel and took a picture with her for memory sake. She seemed like a really nice, genuine sort of person.

I was still reeling from the lack of sleep over the week on sunday. A friend popped by in the evening for a chat and updated me on her diving escapades. Seemed fun but somehow I've never really taken a serious interest in diving...even though several people have asked. Diving seems to be all the rage now. The interesting part is getting close to nature but the not so interesting part is having to learn all those "skills". And I'm not sure if I'll like to carry a 46Kg tank of oxygen on my back and fiddle with all those equipment...the idea seems too challenging and troublesome.

Yesterday a few of us gathered at the airport to send MC off, who is going to further her studies down under. It was pretty emotional for me, though we barely even know each other for a year..but we've had a good times together, burning the midnight oil doing projects, having fun in class and doing silly things. She's like a burst of fresh air, sunshine to a dark room, one of those people you can never forget. The boys were like "hey relax lah.." I mean, she'll be back for vacations and I can go over to visit (though the chances are quite slim at the moment). Maybe its the general concept about people leaving. How you start thinking about the good memories, wondering if they could happen again and knowing that the chances of having the same experience is quite impossible. The months flew past and before we knew it, its over. Time to start another phase of our lives again.

The one thing that keeps all of us going is friendship. So friend, take care and I'll see you soon.

Bye Bill, you'll be missed

2008-06-28T16:14:00.005+08:00

Courtesy of microsoft.

Blame the over sentimental bug in me but when I read (and heard) about the farewell speech Bill Gates gave to his employees at Microsoft, I started to shed tears.

I considered writing an in-depth post about the man himself and his achievements but due to the fact that I've got far more important things to do today, I'm gonna save that for another time and keep this short.

Forget the fact that he was the world's richest man for 12 consecutive years. Forget the anti-trust lawsuits and the supposed manipulative monopoly of the company. Forget the recent failings of Vista. Forget the disgrunted customers and jealous competitors. Seriously, there are people who love Microsoft and Bill Gates and I'm one of them.

The legacy he has left behind is amazing. When I think about Bill Gates, I think about the computers and the operating systems and the software that made the information technology revolution possible today. Of course, there are other unmentioned companies and luminaries that have contributed to this computer revolution but Bill is certainly a legend in the field in his own right.

“When Paul Allen and I started Microsoft over 30 years ago, we had big dreams about software. We had dreams about the impact it could have. We talked about a computer on every desk and in every home. It’s been amazing to see so much of that dream become a reality and touch so many lives. I never imagined what an incredible and important company would spring from those original ideas.”

This was the guy whose vision was to put a computer in every home and his perpetual passion for technology and research development will continue to be felt at Microsoft, even as he officially steps down as chairman of Microsoft (remaining in an non-executive role) on 27 June 2008 to focus on the Bill and Melinda foundation.

Seattle Times has an article about his departure and farewell day and an audio clip of his very poignant farewell speech can be found at Todd Bishop's Microsoft Blog.

I guess I felt sad because I cannot possibly imagine how it feels to leave a company that he had build from scratch into one of the world's most reknown and powerful multinational companies. To reflect on the bad days when detractors brayed for the company's blood and everything went wrong. To reflect on the good days when he was hailed as the king of the world and everything seemed possible. To realize that his own college dream had materialized and that in a significant way, he has changed people's lives forever.

Wanted: Above 21, Irish/English, Piercing Eyes

2008-06-27T19:24:00.007+08:00

Dapper in suits.

when did scruffy look so good?

effortless bed-mangled crop

Talented, earnest...did I mention the accents?

Source: Photos of James McAvoy from jamesmcavoy.com. Photos of Jim Sturgess from jimsturgess.org and yahoo movies.

I must be mad. Can't remember when was the last time I actually spend so much time looking at guys and acknowledging the fact that hey he's really good looking. Well, these two guys aren't any ordinary guys. They happen to be two talented young actors (voted hottest actors below 30 by Entertainment Weekly) starring in movies showing in the theatres now.

James McAvoy, who won critical acclaim in his sidekick role next to Forest Whitaker (who won an Academy Award for Best Actor) in 2006's the Last King of Scotland, is acting in the assassins actioner Wanted and rom-com Penelope while Jim Sturgess, who rose to fame in 2007's Beatles musical Across The Universe, is in the semi-fiction movie 21. Now you get the idea for this post's title and its double meaning. Aside from their charm, they are also holding their own court against esteemed actors such as Morgan Freeman and Kevin Spacey and getting to snog the IT girls of Hollywood. James has been paired with Kiera Knightley, Anna Hathaway, Christina Ricci and now Angelina Jolie, while Jim acted with Evan Rachel Wood and Kate Bosworth.

I've always had a thing for certain Scottish and English blokes (read Ewan McGregor). They somehow look handsome scruffy and unshaven. They clean up pretty nice, especially in tailored suits and its as if the gentlemantly instinct of bowing and offering their hand might just burst out of them. Their articulate but sometimes indistinguishable accents. Their messy mop of hair and that mischievious glint in their eyes. Or that piercing stare, the electrifying shade of blue, filled to the brim with emotions. Maybe its the image they seem to give out. That they are goofy enough to do silly things. Casual enough to hang out over beer and soccer matches. But serious enough to be serious enough.

About these two actors, though I've watched none of their previous movies (only snippets of Becoming Jane), there seems to be something reclusive about them beneath their approachable, nice-looking veneer and I hope they maintain their independent spirit, especially with regards to their choice in movies. The plots of both 21 and Wanted seems eclectic and exciting enough so yeah, you bet I'll be watching them.

Excerpts: JK Rowling @ Harvard

2008-06-24T14:36:00.003+08:00

The Sunday Times published the speech author JK Rowling gave at Harvard University's 357th Commencement. She chose to speak on the twin themes of failure and imagination, two of the qualities which I feel is intrinsic to living as opposed to merely surviving. I've never read any of the Harry Potter books before simply due to a lack of interest but I feel anyone who has the ability to write fiction that has captured the minds of millions all over the world is pretty amazing. Below are some of the highlights of her speech. The complete transcript can be found at Harvard Magazine.

On The Benefits of Failure...

"Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes."

On The Power of Imagination...

"Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s minds, imagine themselves into other people’s places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing. "

Reel Gem: Away From Her

2008-06-24T00:12:00.001+08:00

The other type of surprise I'm talking about, other than self-exploration or discovery, is what other people may bring into your life when they commit endearing acts such as sending you a surprise parcel. In a convenience and pace driven era such as now, whereby sending an sms or an email is the norm as opposed to a proper conversation over the phone or a painstakingly hand-written letter, I really feel the loss of the times of indulging in a long phone chat or the enthusiasm of exchanging snail mail. Needless to say, cards (and I don't mean e-cards) recieved have been increasingly scant.

Imagine my surprise when I recieved a parcel just a week ago sent by a friend who thinks I ought to see Away From Her (without anymore procrasination). J is an old world type, someone whom I think also believes in the value of written communication and one managed by postal services.

I had wanted to catch Away From Her when it was still showing @ The Picturehouse but for some reason, didn't. This indie film, which is a screenplay adaptation of author Alice Munro's short story The Bear Came Over The Mountain is directed by canadian Sarah Polley (who acted in Go! and Dawn of The Dead). And there are reasons why this film was included in many top movie critics' top 10 films of 2007.

The film begins by introducing us to the protaganists Grant (Gordon Pinsent) and Fiona (the Oscar-nominated Julie Christie) who have been married for 50 years and are currently basking in their golden years, or so it seems. The affection, comfort and understanding they have for each other is acute and tangible, such that one look says it all. Even silence speaks in their presence. Such is the powerful performances that both actors have portrayed...they make old age seems so loving and tender and something to look forward to. However, Fiona is suffering from Alzheimer's disease and as the days progress, her memory deteriorates fast and the couple is confronted with the fact that she would have to seek treatment and care.

Though she can't bear to leave him as much as he can't bear to lose her, Fiona makes a decision, while she is still conscious, to enter Meadowlake a retirement home for Alzheimer's sufferers so as to take the burden off from Grant and lessen his pain of watching her fade away. Grant is devastated at the thought of losing Fiona both physically and mentally but he accepts her decision, hoping for the best. Conversations between the two also hints at an unresolved tension that is the result of Grant previous infidelity but also at the gratitude on Fiona's part that he did not walk away.

After 30 days of not seeing each other due to a hospital's rule, Grant excitedly visits Fiona only to find that she does not seem to recall who he is and has even develop affections for another resident of the home. He is shattered at first but subsequently, it is his devotion and love towards Fiona that helps him to cope. We learn that self-sacrifice is sometimes necessary in order to secure the happiness of someone you love. I will not disclose too much of the plot and I highly recommend you go see it for yourself.

A powerful, inspiring story that shines a spotlight on Alzheimer's Disease, Away From Her is an honest but heart-wrenching take on the plight of sufferers and their loved ones. But the heart of this beautiful movie is how it showcases the essential foundations of marriage and how aging can be beautiful and graceful. Watch out for the brillant cinematography too! 9/10

Night Explorations

2008-06-23T23:07:00.011+08:00

All photos property of www.urbandecayz.blogspot.com

I'm a sucker for good surprises and spontaneity..and how events precipitated by these two can have a significant impact on the way I view things. As I ponder over my recent revival of interest in history, heritage and nostalgia, I remember the night when the few of us went on an exploration drive.

It was a night of reliving the nights of the spontaneous era.

The clock was ticking closer to 12 midnight and I was waiting for my brother to come back from his friend's party...and then I heard voices outside..one of which was my brother's. When he came in and said "There's a mob flash outside...and they're here for you!!" I almost didn't believe him but it turned out that one of my friends had brought a little entourage with him.

So began our night of excitement. We were deciding between interesting places to go...when the driver suggested Mathilda House @ Punggol, which according to rumours is a old haunted house that the authorities couldn't tear down. Maybe it was the night and the cold, but standing at the edge of a large abandoned field overtaken by wilderness and trying to catch a glimpse of the fabled house nestled in the midst of the overgrown grass and darkness, the feeling was kinda creepy. J spotted a snake and the poor thing got tormented by the others. A family of wild dogs started a series of miserable howling that echoed from the equally deserted field opposite.

Destination 2. Punggol Beach Point which I discovered is a World War Two site where about 400 Chinese civilians lost their lives during the Sook Ching Massacre. It is now marked as a heritage site along with the beaches of Changi and Sentosa where similar exterminations took place during the Japanese occupation of Singapore. There was a tiny police post followed by a small jetty leading out into the sea. Some opportunistic anglers were fishing and some guy caught a squid. I think its my first time seeing a live squid! One of the reasons for going there was that S wanted to show me the refineries across the strait and try to explain the flaming phenomenon in the sky that I witnessed earlier.

Before heading to Jalan Kayu for late supper/early breakie, we passed by the Seletar area and I chanced upon the very familiar and cute sounding Piccadilly Circus! which I recalled to be a place in the UK. Further fact-checking revealed that Piccadilly Circus is actually a famous road junction and public space of London's West End, in the city of Westminster. There is also a Piccadilly Circus Tube station. Apparently, Seletar camp used to be a former British army camp, hence the all the British-sounding street names. I read somewhere there's also an Oxford street, a Baker street, a Brompton road, a Haymarket, an Edgeware, a Regent and even a Hyde Park! (reserved for future explorations). Speaking of Seletar, another friend of mine has been telling me about this cafe @ Seletar base that sells really good buffalo wings which we have yet to check out.

For more information on the area, do visit http://postcardsfromseletar.com/ , which is a research project to record the history, happenings and memories of the place.

We Need A New Pan

2008-06-16T00:06:00.005+08:00

June is flying by faster than I can recall "what just happened?"

I don't know if its a good thing since I've been feeling better and keeping myself busy...but its like a race against time to do so many things..and I'm worried about time and energy running out. Been venturing out more often, meeting friends and exploring new places since my bdae but I realized that has got to cease temporarily considering my other pirorities and limited energy reserve. Sadly, I've been unable to catch up with some people whom I really miss and care about and its tough to keep rejecting people but as one good friend tells me, "they will understand if they are true friends."

One of my recent revived obsession has been cooking for the family and it coincides with my mom's decision to cancel the tingkat delivery. Apparently, the food selection isn't really to the liking of my siblings and it also means we can't choose what we have for dinner. Although cooking gets tiring after consecutive days (especially if you are doing 2 meals in one day), the feeling of serving up simple and decent food which the family appreciates is fantastic. But as it is with my other 101 interests, this cooking thing just remains at the level below passionate, which means I won't be striving to be potential chef in the future or to try out mouth-watering recipes I come across. Besides! I've yet to make a personal trip to the wet market (read not supermarkets) which for people who really like to cook? is a sad case. One of the reasons I've figured why my family enjoy my cooking (not all the time) is because I'm happy when I cook and some of those good vibes must have infected the food as well. (Hao lian!)

Although I've self-proclaimed this period as hermitical to focus on my reading and writing amongst other things, one thing I really hope to do before June ends is to bring my cousins out for a movie or for a field trip to the Science Centre, where the climate change exhibition is currently being held. I haven't really spent quality time with them due to my lack of presence at extended family gatherings and I really miss them. And the thing is they'll all be grown up before I know it and there's some nostalgic element in trying to bring them out while they are still young!

I foresee I'm going to be more active with The Conscious Beat since there are reviews waiting in line and due to lack of time...so well, here's cheers to the best of June! Joie De Vivre!

Birthday Reflections

2008-05-31T15:20:00.009+08:00

As I grow older, I tend to dread birthdays. I'm not sure if its about the age issue or more of the fear of the unknown, and knowing that the people around you are aging as well. The vunerability of mortality. Plus the feeling that I've still perpetually stuck in a time warp - always a few years prior to the present.

The years have had its share of ups and downs and I can't say that I haven't learnt from life, the suffering, the joy and the kaideloscope of experiences, which have made me the person I am today. In terms of qualifications and achievements, I'm still lagging behind my peers and struggling to fulfil my own expectations. But in terms of personal blessings, I think, look around and I really thank God for what I have.

Still, as much as I have that kind of appreciation for life. There's still something missing/lost which I can't figure out what it is. Its like even if I were to achieve all the goals that I have overnight, I'm not sure if that would be enough...

So, back to the good stuff. I had quite a memorable birthday week despite the dread.

1) The chillout session with the J, LS and NR a week ago @ Ben & Jerrys. The thoughtful gifts that came in the form of a lavender blank Prints notebook (my next journal), Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat. Pray. Love (highly recommended book from LS), funky accessories and scented candles. For dinner, we went for smashed fried chicken at Far East Plaza and thankfully, this time my throat didn't die because of the fiery chili sauce.

2) The annual traditional cake-caking and photo-taking with Mom and my sister. The cake from Awfully Chocolate was chosen by myself. Sis gave me a toy turtle massenger named Tobo for my backaches and surprise! a Japanese movie version of Veronika Decides to Die. My bro was away @ some school camp, feeding hungry mosquitoes and insects in some forest reserve located in Malaysia.

3) Meeting the long-lost Ed who treated me to lunch @ some Japanese fusion pasta cafe. Seeing my favourite dentist in the whole world which put a wide grin on my face. Evening was spent with good chums SL, YL and R who treated me to dinner and dessert. The night was capped off with a round of beer and games @ some Chinatown pub with YL and her friends, including the hilarious L who never fails to crack me up with his crazy antics. Discovered that my family's favourite Japanese chef had opened a new sushi restaurant below the pub. Got into a minor incident but thankfully, nobody got injured except for the car. Some adrenaline that was.

4) My classmates, the 3 Ss decided to give J and me a birthday dinner treat but unfortunately J couldn't make it. Everywhere was freakin' crowded so we ended up @ Thai Express @ Serangoon Gardens. R happened to be in the vicinity and I tried the yogurt from the new shop which was opened by his friends. The guys and I chitchat the night away over teh tarik. SH bought me Joseph Heller's Catch 22 and Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird - 2 of the books on my to-read-list. Towkay gave me a Vintage Rock compliation cd which was recommended by SV.

5) I found out that my classmates were going to do charity and I asked if I could go to. But the person in charge fell sick so the rest of us ended up going prawning near Bishan Park instead. The 4 of us caught 31 prawns using 2 rods after 3 hours. My second prawning experience after the previous one, which was a few years back was pretty exciting and fruitful, considering that I managed to get the hang of it after a while. The guys decided that I should bring the prawns back since I would be attending a BBQ at my aunt's house later in the evening.

6) It was good seeing all my paternal relatives at the BBQ event to celebrate two of my younger cousins' birthdays. My aunt, knowing that it was my birthday, had called me up earlier in the afternoon to ask if she could get me a cake as well but I declined, citing age and embarrassment. My cousin P, who has never forgotten my birthday, gave me some goodies from Body Shop. Watching the younger ones bask in the attention, I had mixed feelings. Delight at being able to share in their innocence and euphoria and some nostalgia, for once being in their shoes.

7) Receiving a handwritten letter and gift from J via snail mail and that belated but nevetheless thoughtful long-distance phone call from A.

Here's thanks to all those who celebrated and spent time with me, treated me to good food, put thought into choosing the presents and who remembered :)

The Reconstruction Of Reason

2008-05-21T21:14:00.001+08:00

Its harder than I thought. Getting started again.

As I stare at the flickering indicator where words should be spilling out like water and listen to the impatient groan of the ailing driver, thoughts struggle to get out of the immeasurable void. The drilling noise emanating from my notebook shatters the silence, which is why I never take Toby out again. It is too much of an embarrassment and probably would be branded a nuisance by the public.

The feeling is apprehension. I consider the various factors that contributed to this episode. The years of wear and tear. The toxicity of chemicals. The plunging energy. The ever pursing shadows. The loss of self-assurance. That kind of certainty that grounds you to a firm foundation that can withstand the inevitable tremors. When pen and paper is met with delight and relief, not twisted nerves, a wrinkled forehead and an incredible vastness of blankness.

Whatever loss of inspiration I was experiencing, the abrupt blankout in March threatened to bring almost everything to a standstill, followed closely by a series of unfortunate events which continue to test my faith. April was slow in recovery but at least, the issues now are 80% resolved.

Now, the idea is to get started.

Deletia

2008-04-06T23:44:00.001+08:00

It stands for everything that has been lost.